When the army reached the chewed old dwarf road they saw that a very quick and crude palisade had been put up halting their march. The palisade said on it” we ave got 700 orks are you scared??” As Gerhart read this out to his troops they started to mutter saying how they only had 300 dwarfs. When Gerhart heard a distant shout saying “the orks trolls will just eat us!” he had a sudden flashback of when he was just a private and not a colonel. His best friend was scooped up by a troll's scabby stone grey hands and tossed into its mouth like he was nut. He crunched like a nut as well. After having this flashback Gerhart stepped up onto a boulder and replied “If you don't want to fight then fine you have my permission to leave,but just remember this fight is for our city of Grimnir and for all the people in it.” At that moment everything was quiet and still, no-one had left everyone wanted to stay.”Thank you” Gerhart said softly. Meanwhile major Gorbag was marching his ork army toward the old dwarf road, they weren't scared they were orks they lived for battle and the screams of the innocent. Suddenly an ork let out a terrible shriek “Gorbag we've caught a scout, what shall we do with him?”
“hehehe....behead him!” A rusty axe swooped down, cutting the air and also cutting the dwarf scout's head off leaving a dribble of blood on the cold,dirty floor.
I liked it, cant wait to the actuall battle, but when you write it about the battle, make sure to include the sourroundings of your hero, imangine your him for a second and think what you can see, hear and smell, for example, if it was a a plain dusty road with a couple of dead plants by the side, and there was the smell of troll or orc or something
Yes, this one is better but you still need to include more description of the dwarf's surroundings.
After having this flashback Gerhart stepped up onto a boulder and replied “If you don't want to fight then fine you have my permission to leave,but just remember this fight is for our city of Grimnir and for all the people in it.” At that moment everything was quiet and still, no-one had left everyone wanted to stay.”Thank you” Gerhart said softly.
both part 1 and part 2 were good. it would be easier to read if it wasn't just one collective paragraph, but a bucnh of smaller ones.
I really hope this is better than the last one, if it is'nt I will try harder.
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